It was dark everywhere; night was with its darkness and I was carrying the burden of my own darkness on my shoulders. I was a lot similar to the sky as it was also dark and alone like I was. With silence on my lips and a storm of words in my mind I was sitting on a bench in a park when all of sudden I noticed a girl going towards a bench placed on the other corner of park. A girl who was surrounded by a storm of tranquility, wearing a gown of hopelessness, crown of sadness and a cloud of torment was on her head. There was some mysterious charm in her that dragged me towards her and I left my bench to follow her.
I was just behind the bench where she was sitting when I heard her uttering something. Her face was tilted towards the sky and she was very much lost in the sky as if she was looking in someone’s eyes. I stepped a little closer to hear her more clearly and what I heard was,
“Dear God, You are the best of my best friends and You’re always there even though I just reach out to You only when there’s a need. I’ve not opened myself up to anyone else but today I want to share my heaviest burden with You; first mistake of my life.
I have always been afraid of loneliness and it was one of the times when I was having a void in my life. It’s the time when it all started; I was all alone with no one by my side. I was alone in the large crowd of people; people of every age, cast and nature but even in that loneliness I was myself. But soon a stranger came at the doorstep of my life and because I was tired of isolation I let him in. He was a cluster of mysteries; his eyes were so numb but still spoke words, his lips were tightly sealed willing to speak, his heart as cold as cadaver screaming out for love and his emotions were messed up so perfectly. I had never seen a person so perfect in his imperfection, so calm with the squall inside him and so different from others being indifferent. I got lost in the depth of his eyes in the urge to solve the mystery being a mystery lover. With the passage of time I started spending much of my time talking to him and trying to listen to his words behind his silence, I began to feel comfortable in his company and I fell in love with him.
We were very disparate; I was like a river with a lot of noise of emotions and constant change while he was serene and consistent like a valley. But despite of our differences we were always trying to enjoy what the other person loves and understand our differences. He got successful in understanding me like no one else ever did. He could read my mind behind my fake emotions and hear the words of my heart beating in my chest. He was perfect in handling me when I was peaceful as angel, mischievous as a devil and even I was unpredictable. With him my world was flawless and I learned to the world from an entirely different view point. To me it seemed like both of us were head over heels in love with each other but the thought of losing him used to scare me always.
As it is said, “Time changes everything” it changed his emotions for me too. We started having little fights every month and the number of fights soon incremented. Every time the base of the fight was either misunderstanding or simply NOTHING. We began to not talk to each other for a day and day turned into days and days turned into week. I had my own expectations and he was with his own plans, I had him on the top of my priority list and he had a well managed priority list above my name and I was busy in convincing my heart that everything will become be back like it was when he fell out of the love.I followed him beyond the limits of my patience because he was my perfect dream I always wanted to live in but like every dream breaks this one was about to break too.
I never stopped getting the flashbacks of the promises he made and echoes of the words he said. Despite of my hardest efforts I couldn’t stop him, so I felt shattered and helpless watching my most beloved dream broken into pieces, twilight fade into oblivion, flame turning to embers and embers losing their glow; I watched him leave. And like everything that falls gets broken into pieces so did I.
I still relive that nightmare every night and play back you leaving me even when you promised to never leave me. But then I tell myself that “I won’t waste my tears anymore over a person who’s as cold as a dead-body, as dark as shadows of hopelessness and as dangerous to life as high waves for beautiful tulips. People are people and sometimes it doesn’t works out but that doesn’t mean love is not worth doing. One day I’ll definitely come across the one who would be perfect for me, one who’s made for me. It’s difficult to forget him all at once but I will eventually and the day I will get rid of his memories I will celebrate my victory over his memories and the love I still have for him in some corner of my heart.””
She vanished all of a sudden and I realized that was all I wanted to say but could not. I took a deep breath, and myself strong and walked away leaving all the darkness, hopelessness, tranquility, torment and silence behind me. I promised myself to never look back!
Originally hosted at http://wordsmyth-mag.com/my-mistake/